He uses pillows to masturbate.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
