The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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