Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
