She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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