you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
