in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
