I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
