She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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