I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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