were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
