I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it's like iHOP with fire
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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