Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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