omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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