Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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