Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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