Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
