im six kinds of drunk right now
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
