apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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