Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
