Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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