apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
