bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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