He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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