if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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