he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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