I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize