I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
