new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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