tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
