i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
