i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
