toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
