my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
