She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
