Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Semen is not good for contacts.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
