Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
