I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
