After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
