i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize