I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
