Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
