Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
