i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
