sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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