remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
