ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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