genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
