Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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