i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
