I accidentally burped into my bong.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
