i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
