I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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