It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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