i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
