every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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