You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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