Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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