he told me I talked like a deaf person
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
