I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
