so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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