my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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