Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
