If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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