I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
