I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
