Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
