wake up i wanna do it froggy style
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
