when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
