hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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