I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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