Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
