Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
