to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Couch. On fire.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
