Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
