woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
