i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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