I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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